Sunday, October 3, 2010

Obligated to Eat

Rick Jones. He eats expired food like it’s fresh. Once my mom was about to throw away an old cake and he stopped her. “But Rick it’s old and crusty.” His immortal reply, “I like it crusty!” He’s also been known to clean up the plates of people he doesn’t know…at restaurants. Rick’s brother-Kap Jones. He eats others leftovers like it’s the main course. He’s known for a strong second wind after everyone else finishes. We once watched him drink the leftover cold cereal milk from my cousins bowls….that had been sitting there for 2 hours. Their father-Ed Jones. Let’s keep this simple. He was once observed eating old grapes that had been thrown into the family garden because they were bad. Just dust them off and eat them like they’re right off the vine. Why do they do it? Were they starving? I don’t think so, let’s take a look at their professions; CEO of a bank, university professor, and lawyer. Hmmm…doesn’t look like they were in dire need does it? It’s because they weren’t.

While the obligation to eat has not reached the hearts and minds of the third generation Joneses, the lack of fear towards food has. The Grandsons of Ed take chances and risks on a daily basis in the face of bad food. One Grandson of Ed ate a slice of cake that was sitting at the top of a pile of garbage while still inside the can. He claims that despite being in the can it was above the brim.

As Joneses they all believe in something, something that strikes deep at the core of who they are..don’t waste food. They just can’t stand to see food go to waste, so what do they do? They save it, or in more plain English-they eat it. They fear no mold, and bacteria doesn’t scare them. They relish the opportunity to be saviors of the unwanted…unwanted food that is. (A save is when you keep food from going into the garbage, no matter the condition of the food.) One bright shining day the most fearless Grandson of Ed was in a magical place we call Disney Land. While in line for the classic, It’s a Small World ride, he passed a garbage can with a pizza crust inside. If you think you know what happened next guess again. He ripped off the bite marks then he ate it.


  1. This post hits scarily close to home.
    Hilarious, as always.