Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Bacon!!! Bacon!! Bacon!!!

It started with a joke, “What if we if we bought 100 junior-bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s in one order??”

When your high school is located in a town called Plain City, you know there probably isn’t a lot going on beside cow tipping and toilet papering, neither of which I have done (wink-wink). As teenage boys we always had an ear open when it came to anything that was random or crazy…….or both.

So when our friend jokingly said “What if we bought 100 junior-bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s in one order??” We laughed, oh for about 2.7 seconds, then the magic began to happen…faces turned serious, eyes got big, and mouths started to water.

Any good operation requires careful strategic planning.

The time: We decided that our efforts would be most beneficial to society if we got to Wendy’s shortly before the end of our school’s basketball game thereby clogging Wendy’s orders so that no one else would be able to get anything. Let’s face it; we live in a country full of people who just need to shed some holiday pounds.

The place: Wendy’s (duh)

The crew: Twenty-ish high school boys including The Chosen Two (2 of our friends both over 6 feet and both over 300 pounds.)

The last-minute change of plans: We decided that 100 Junior Bacons wasn’t enough…so we decided to buy….

Our basketball team was winning handily, there were 4:29 seconds left in the 4th. It was go time. We quickly exited, jumped in our cars and sped down the road…our girl Wendy awaited us. We walked in, assembled the cash n’ change and then watched as The Chosen Two walked up to the register. Silently we formed a half circle around The Chosen Two. You could feel the anticipation hovering in the air.

“Hi sir what can I get for you?” said the register boy.

The first chosen one, “I’d like 100 junior bacon cheeseburgers.”

“Excuse me?”

The second chosen one, “Yeah, and put me down for another 103!!”

He slapped the money on the table change flying everywhere. We all started to chant, “Bacon!!! Bacon!!! Bacon!!!! Bacon!!! Bacon!!!”

Register boy yells over the chants of bacon, “Are you guys serious???!!”

The second chosen, “This is for real, I’m obese!!”

203 Junior-Bacon Cheeseburgers later we walked out stuffed, happy , and $216 poorer.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Men aren’t…emotional.

Men don’t show emotion. It’s not that we don’t know how it’s just that we can’t. It’s a matter of…principle. We don’t cry during chick flicks. We don’t swoon over love songs. We don’t scream when we see our best friend. We definitely don’t worry when we burn something in the oven, we just get take-out.

Exceptions to the Rule? None. Well, maybe....

“Wow…”---------“I think I’m going to cry.”---“Probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Who’s talking? Is it women at a ballet? Or maybe they’re watching a chick-flick? Or is it 3 men whose team just won an intense overtime match against their biggest rival?

“Ohhh myyyy gosh!” ---“I can’t believe this is happening!!!”---- “How is this possible??!!!!!!!” Who’s talking? Probably a few ladies watching their favorite reality show. Or maybe they’re watching So You Think You Can Dance. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s a couple of guys eating steak.

Okay…so maybe we do show emotion. But at least it’s only because of sports and a good steak.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

symptoms of one-upper + stuff

The tag-along- girls really don’t have the equivalent of a wingman, but they do have something..the tag-along. One girl initiates what's going to happen, the other tags-along. While the wingman is a system of support the tag-along is one of… one knows. The tag-along occurs when girls go to parties, do their nails, talk to guys, and other assorted events. Don’t believe it do you…Have you ever seen a girl go to the bathroom by herself?

The tickler- tries to tickle to break the awkward physical barrier. Also may be used in the scarier movie scenario. Tries to tickle his way out of awkward moments. The tickler still thinks that poking on facebook is normal.

Symptoms of a one-upper: Every time you tell a story he tells a more outrageous one. Every thing you’ve done he’s done it better. Always has to get the last word. Always tells his stories a little louder than the last person. Always over the top. But honestly, how do you diagnose the famed one-upper syndrome? Make up a story about something that doesn’t exist..then watch them try to top it…...